This is a tricky blog post to write.
I spent most of my life as an extremely devout member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, aka Mormon. I want to make it clear up front that even though I no longer believe in that religion, my current views aren’t black and white. The farther removed I am from things, the more I find I really dislike a lot of things about the Mormon church. That being said, I also can’t deny that I had countless positive, foundational, wonderful experiences growing up amongst a tight-knit, loving community.
I was also lucky (straight white male privilege!) to have a fantastic college experience at BYU. I met lifelong friends, enjoyed perks as a scholarship athlete, got a graduate degree, found great career opportunities through BYU connections, and ultimately owe a lot of my career success so far to BYU.
So what’s the dilemma?
Credentials
First, let me try to paint a clear picture so we can all be on the same page. Here’s my Mormon timeline:
- Raised by parents who were both part of LDS families
- Baptized at 8
- Every leadership position growing up (Deacons’ Quorum President, Teachers’ Quorum President, Priests’ Quorum First Assistant)
- Attended seminary at 6am every morning before high school (was also Seminary Class President)
- Eagle Scout at 16
- Freshman year at BYU
- 2-year mission in New Zealand (Zone Leader in MTC, senior companion in NZ after 6 weeks instead of finishing the 12 week training program, combo District Leader + training new missionary after that, then Zone Leader for 18 months or so)
- Finished undergrad and Master’s at BYU, including getting married in the Temple at 23 to someone from a big Mormon family
One common thread throughout this entire experience is an emphasis on missionary work. A huge part of the LDS faith is sharing your beliefs with others. Helping someone join the church by getting baptized is a massively celebrated win. I wrote my testimony inside copies of the Book of Mormon and gave them to neighborhood friends. I participated in social media blasts, sharing "I'm a Mormon" materials all over Facebook, trying to be a good example to all my "non-member" friends. I even had one of my best friends over for missionary lessons when we were 17 and 16.
In short: I lived and breathed Mormonism, and tried to share my beliefs with as many people as possible.
The dilemma
I won’t go into all the details here, but I went through a long and painful faith journey starting in 2021 that led to a big shift in my beliefs. Naturally, what’s the first instinct for someone who spent a lifetime sharing their beliefs with others? Share my new beliefs with others! But it’s not that simple.
In the LDS worldview, actively trying to convert someone to Mormonism is heroic. Serving a mission is a selfless act with the goal of saving souls and giving people true happiness. If that’s your worldview, imagine how you might feel about someone actively trying to UNconvert you or your loved ones from Mormonism. It’s abominable, dark, unthinkable behavior. Only horrible people would do such a horrible thing.
So the dilemma is this:
- I was taught to be a missionary and share my beliefs
- My life is full of Mormons who I love
- Mormons continue to share their beliefs with me, sometimes on purpose, sometimes by accident
- Even when I have something relevant to add to a conversation, I can’t share it without offending someone or straining a relationship
- My best option is to bite my tongue and remain silent